Bookmark and Share jokes    Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 78, 79, 80  Next
Last Thread | Next Thread  >

Post new topic Reply to topic
Life of Debauchery .com > Humor

tractoris
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 12 Apr 2005
Posts: 27396


 
 Reply with quote  

mmmkay. laugh.gif
Post 09/01/15 12:20pm
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning by reminding her Nelson Mandela got elected President after he was released from prison.
_________________
Post 09/04/15 05:09pm
 View users profile Send private message

bloodpuppet
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 12 Oct 2003
Posts: 1659
Location: In the middle of the road flipping you off.

 
 Reply with quote  

If you receive oral sex from a Muppet, do you tell people you got a blowjob, or a handjob?
_________________
Du haxen Hase
Post 10/08/15 04:31am
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

I dunno. If you ask me this is pretty damn funny...and evil...and funny. laugh.gif
_________________
Post 10/08/15 05:31pm
 View users profile Send private message

Lela
Keep waiting... Clubs


Joined: 26 Mar 2014
Posts: 1574
Age: 35
Location: United States

 
 Reply with quote  

While visiting my dad for my vacation he gave me a box of jokes and funny pictures.
This one is old but funny...

A couple aged 67 went to the doctor's office. The doctor asked, "what can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The Doctor looked puzzled but agreed.
When the couple had finished the doctor said, "There is nothing wrong with the way you have sexual intercourse," and charged them $10.00.
This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have Intercourse, pay the doctor and leave.
Finally the doctor asked, "Just what are you trying to find out?"

The old man said, "We're not trying to find out anything. She is married so we can't go to her house. I am married so we can't go to my house. Holiday Inn charges $22.00 for a room and the Hilton charges $27.00. We can do it here for $10.00 and I can get $8.00 back from Medicare for a visit to the doctor's office.
Post 10/16/15 05:57pm
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

I heard a bitch say "I want a guy that has a big dick and lots of money".
I said "no, what you need is a fucking job and a tighter pussy."
laugh.gif

_________________
Post 11/06/15 08:39pm
 View users profile Send private message

tEd
sullen
sullen


Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Posts: 152
Age: 115
Location: The South

 
 Reply with quote  

A horse walks into a bar.






The bartender says "Why the long face?"

_________________
Texas is Heaven
Post 11/07/15 03:38pm
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

laugh.gif laugh.gif laugh.gif
Subject: A Boy from Arkansas

A young Arkie goes off to college. Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all of his money on his girlfriend, he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here at Hendrix that will teach our dog, Ole' Blue how to talk!" "That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Ole’ Blue in that program?" "Just send him over here with $1,000" the young Arkie says "and I'll get him in the course." So, his Father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ole' Blue doing son?" his Father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his Father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class."
The money promptly arrives. The Arkie and his girlfriend are able to buy enough marijuana to last the whole semester. But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his Father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. Even though he was always pretty much able to lie his way out of trouble, the Arkie asked his girlfriend to help him think of a really good lie to tell his Dad. She very quickly came up with a plan for him. So she has him shoot the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his Father is all excited.
"Where's Ole' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!”
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ole’ Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does". "Then Ole' Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your Daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?" The Father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that lying damn dog before he talks to your Mother!”
"I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!"
The kid married his girlfriend, they both went on to law school in Fayetteville , he became Governor of Arkansas and President of the United States , and you already know what a lying bitch his girlfriend turned out to be!

_________________
Post 11/08/15 07:34pm
 View users profile Send private message

tEd
sullen
sullen


Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Posts: 152
Age: 115
Location: The South

 
 Reply with quote  

A farmer is in his field working when a young man walks by. The young man says, "Hey farmer. I noticed you have some milk weed growing over there. Mind if I go get some milk? The farmer scratches his head and says, "Son you can't get milk from a milk weed, but go ahead and try". A few minutes later the young man walks up with three bottles of milk. He says, "Hey farmer. I see you got some honey suckle growing over there. Mind if I go get some honey. The farmer is intrigued now and gives the young man permission. A few minutes later the young man walks up with two jars of honey. The young man then says, "Hey farmer. I noticed you got some pussy willow growing over there." The farmer, without missing a beat says, "Let me get my hat."
_________________
Texas is Heaven
Post 11/09/15 06:33pm
 View users profile Send private message

elemental
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 30 Mar 2003
Posts: 10134
Age: 48
Location: On the roadside mooning you.

 
 Reply with quote  

lol
_________________
Post 11/09/15 06:57pm
 View users profile Send private message

bloodpuppet
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 12 Oct 2003
Posts: 1659
Location: In the middle of the road flipping you off.

 
 Reply with quote  

So apparently in the State of Pennsylvania, it is considered a crime to bust through the door of your veterinarian brandishing a sword and yelling "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my dog, prepare to die".


Even if they did put your dog to sleep.

_________________
Du haxen Hase
Post 11/13/15 07:09pm
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.
So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community? “

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.’

And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?”

_________________
Post 11/14/15 07:02pm
 View users profile Send private message

bloodpuppet
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 12 Oct 2003
Posts: 1659
Location: In the middle of the road flipping you off.

 
 Reply with quote  

With all the support for the French on Facebook, I feel obligated to stack my shot glasses into the shape of the Eiffel Tower. Yayy France
_________________
Du haxen Hase
Post 11/18/15 07:22pm
 View users profile Send private message

tractoris
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 12 Apr 2005
Posts: 27396


 
 Reply with quote  

What do you call a circumcised Mexican?




A dry Martinez.





**groans** laugh.gif
Post 11/20/15 10:46am
 View users profile Send private message

tEd
sullen
sullen


Joined: 30 Oct 2015
Posts: 152
Age: 115
Location: The South

 
 Reply with quote  

How do you make a dead baby float?













Root beer. 2 scoops ice cream and 2 scoops dead baby.

_________________
Texas is Heaven
Post 11/21/15 11:05pm
 View users profile Send private message

Zippy
All Knowing
All Knowing


Joined: 30 Mar 2003
Posts: 28527
Age: 76


 
 Reply with quote  

A man and his wife were driving home one very cold night when the wife asks her husband to stop the car. There was a baby Skunk lying at the side of the road, and she got out to see if it was still alive.

It was, and she said to her husband, "It's nearly frozen to
death. Can we take it with us, get it warm, and let it go in the
morning?"

He says, "O.K., Get in the car with it."

"Where shall I put it to get it warm?"

He says, "Put it in between your legs. It's nice and warm there.

"But what about the smell?"

"Just hold its nose."

The man is expected to recover, but the skunk she used to beat him with died at the scene.
Post 12/23/15 11:42pm
 View users profile Send private message

AWM
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 05 Dec 2012
Posts: 4527
Age: 56


 
 Reply with quote  

quote:
Originally posted by Ripdog
The Salvation Army realized that it had never received a donation from the city's most successful lawyer.
So a volunteer paid the lawyer a visit in his lavish office.

The volunteer opened the meeting by saying, 'Our research shows that even though your annual income is over two million dollars, you don't give a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give something back to your community? “

The lawyer thinks for a minute and says, 'First, did your research also show you that my mother is dying after a long painful illness, and she has huge medical bills that are far beyond her ability to pay?'

Embarrassed, the rep mumbles, 'Uh... No, I didn't know that.'

'Secondly,' says the lawyer, 'did it show that my brother, a disabled Veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair and is unable to support his wife and six children?

The stricken rep begins to stammer an apology, but is cut off again.

'Thirdly, did your research also show you that my sister's husband died in a dreadful car accident, leaving her penniless with a mortgage and three children, one of whom is disabled and another that has learning disabilities requiring an array of private tutors?'

The humiliated rep, completely beaten, says, 'I'm so sorry. I had no idea.’

And the lawyer says, 'So, if I didn't give any money to them, what makes you think I'd give any to you?”


Maybe the best lawyer joke ever

_________________
Pray - "To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner, confessedly unworthy.”
Post 12/24/15 07:01am
 View users profile Send private message

elemental
No Salvation
No Salvation


Joined: 30 Mar 2003
Posts: 10134
Age: 48
Location: On the roadside mooning you.

 
 Reply with quote  

Three Nurses working in a morgue discover a Dead Man with a hard on, the 1st Nurse says 'I can't let that go to waste', & rides him. The 2nd Nurse does the same. The 3rd Nurse hesitates & explains she is on her period, but does him anyway. Then the Man sits up & the Nurses apologize saying they thought he was dead. The Man replies 'I was, but after two jump starts & a blood transfusion I feel fuckin great!!!'
_________________
Post 01/14/16 04:47am
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

A man washed up on a beach after a shipwreck. Only a sheep and
a sheepdog were washed-up with him. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.


After being there awhile, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sunset.

One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle - a perfect night for romance.

As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

The sheepdog, ever-protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the man took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed-by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was Hillary Clinton.

That evening, the man brought Hillary to the evening beach ritual. It was another beautiful evening - red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze - perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon, the man started to get those feelings again. He fought the urges as long as he could but
he finally gave-in and leaned over to Hillary and told her he hadn't had sex for months.

Hillary batted her eyelashes and asked if there was anything she could do for him.

He said, 'Take the dog for a walk.'

_________________
Post 02/06/16 08:58pm
 View users profile Send private message

Ripdog
What a fuckin' dog


Joined: 10 Apr 2003
Posts: 14969
Age: 64
Location: Dogdom

 
 Reply with quote  

After my recent Prostate Exam at the hospital, which was one of the
most thorough examinations I've ever had, the Doctor left and the nurse
came in.

As she shut the door, she asked me a question I didn't want to hear....

She said...."Who Was That Guy?"

_________________
Post 04/10/16 03:09pm
 View users profile Send private message

Goto page Previous  1, 2, 3 ... , 78, 79, 80  Next
  Life of Debauchery .com > Humor Post new topic Reply to topic

All times are GMT - 4 Hours.
The time now is 10/23/17 02:53pm
Forum Jump:
Jump to:  
  Display posts from previous:      

Powered by Wolfbitch. phpBB © 200X | Privacy Policy